for u ... little angel

i will follow ur shadow
till it takes me to u
i shall try much harder
and give my best to u

dnt take away wat u gave me
i have made it my own
just take it a bit slow
the end may be good , u just never know

times are hard , times are tough
no one said it wud be easy
just hang in there baby
we can make it through

i hear u cry behind me,tears roll down my back
let the candle burn for one last night before it gets all dark
waiting i shall be right here, as i know u r the one
just dont get too stoned babe n take the wrong turn

full bloom

take in the autumn sun ...
n burn down the ashes
pull out the gun now
for i cant wait no more
flowers in full bloom
bursting to life
i wait for the moment
tht's gonna be all mine.....

my daddy- the greatest

i feel a numbness inside ... the reason for its origin is still unknown ...i have discovered a rather remarkable talent that was within me but it took me all these years to finally acknowledge the fact that i am good at hurting myself emotionally ....its a rather rare talent ....i mean people do things unknowingly and then they later regret it ...but with me ...all my five senses and my sixth sense tells me that if i fall for a particular person i will get hurt ..i am bound to ...but yet i do it and later hurt myself ..its such a disgusting thing to do , but i keep repeating the same mistakes all the time...i guess i like the feeling of getting hurt ... i know it sounds very sadist but i have no other way of expressing the facts that i have to deal with on a day to day basis ...i think i have become a very negative person ... i cannot trust anyone now ...i dont get close to people that much, including my mom as i know that some day the bond will be broken as she will not be there with me all my life ...and i kind of hate it .... the only thing i see in life is that "nothing will last forever "....and its so depressing .... i sometimes want to put an end to all this misery ...but i dont know how ...i think my life was changed the day god took away my dad ....he was such a wonderful human being .. and then it had to end so abruptly ... the chain of events that took place after that ...all the treachery , the deceit , the backstabbing within the family ....i think it has made a permanent mark on my mind ...and it is due to this reason i think i fail to trust anyone and not only that i have realized that to me no one is invincible .....there is no one in this world i can't do without , even my family ....if i can live without dad i can live without anyone .... but i think dad is somewhere very nice ,, i see him in my dreams and he keeps smiling at me .... sumtimes i think i will die and go up to where he is ...there is so much peace in there ....nothing can harm him now...the asthma that he had been suffering can't make him breathless anymore ...the pain, the sorrow,nothing affects him anymore, death after all is not that bad i guess, its just a perception ..i think its an end to all the sorrow and misery there is in our lives ... actually when he was admitted in the nursing home and i saw the pain that he had to go through for all the nineteen days that he was under ventillation ...at the end of the third day i kept praying to god that may he take away my dad , i wished him death rather than watching him lie patiently and suffering the physical pain that he was going through ... i was quite relieved that he was dead then ....i coudnt bear the agony that he was going through ........ my dad always used to say that the luckiest man is he who dies without suffering . now i know what he meant ....but i miss u dad more than anything else in this life ... may u keep watching me everyday and bless me .....tell me the things u used to tell me in my dreams ...i know u will always be there for me whenver i need u ..i love u daddy ...

dreams

may u come n may u go ...

but may u not take my soul ...

closer to the shadows than the wall

fear the lord and not the hall

where are the pictures ?

lost forever in the dreams

catch them for all are in bits n pieces

THE BAND

MEMBERS -INTRODUCTION
had this idea of forming a band since 2001, but cudnt get the time or the opporunity to actually do sumthing about it until recently when i met this pool of talent called solo (it supposedly means being single but unfortunately for u guyz she is not ). once we were chatting on gtalk n the conversation drifted towards music n then we decided to form a band , the very next second solo comes up with the question " ei amra grammy jitle ki speech debo bol to ?" and then she actually typed at least a hundred words speech n it was damn funny. then we had to find other musicians . i met up with debby (of the" oh my goodness " and "how rude" fame ).she is another very taented musician who has got loads of original scores in her kitty which she is finding really difficult to get copyright protected. so all u tollywood chor music composers can contact me for new original scores ... i will show u debby's place n u can steal it from her diary n i get a 10% commission on tht.....deal?
finally my childhood frend mona (ya thts the name but u can call him mona darling )....our drummer who still hasnt bought the drum kit n its been over a month now tht our band has been formed.
so there is my band ..a 4 member band with a guitarist with a guitar , a synth player with a really expensive synth, a vocalist who is thinking of winnig the grammies without even doing a single gig n a drummer without a drum kit .

NAMING THE BAND
this is one really pathetic sad story , we still dont have a name for the band , we started off with pink doors , ppl then thought it to be gay, then came the name instant groove suggested by debby, we thought it was a rock band n not a disco, then zed's dead , n thts the last i remember .so basically we still dont have a name for our band .

JAM SESSIONS
we all had decided to jam at debby's lake market place at bompass road . on the first day me n solo went there n even without being haloo solo argued with me tht the vehicle in front of us at bompass road at a distance of about 20 feet (a HUGE TRUCK) was an alto .....then we jammed with our great drummer only sitting idle on a chair n air playing his imaginary drums.at the end of it all we went n had weed on a deserted lane .the best part was tht debby had bought pink cakes for us as our band was then named the pink doors.
next week was quite similar the only difference being mona did not join us as he was really busy plucking his pubic hair sumwhere n i had to handle "oh my goodness" n "eternally haloo solo " all by my self.
CONCLUSION
i am really not sure about my unnamed band members ,solo is busy with her boyfrend (our stepfather-but thts another long story), i m not even sure whether we actually do have a drummer or not .debby is getting nervous about the future n i m really on the verge of getting completely mad at all this .contd............

trust

i give a damn about life these days , have been bruised so many times tht i hav lost count . bob dylan rightly had said' ALL THE TRUTH IN THE WORLD ADDS UP TO ONE BIG LIE" it is so fuckin true. i mean i dnt see the slightest or vagueest of honesty or transparency in relationships . man i m sick n tired of this on going process. how many times am i going to fall for fake ppl who r just liars and fakes. i mean is there no end to it ? i m feeling lonely n sad again , well i do feel tht way from time to time . will have to listen to JIM . i think he wud be able to guide me . i feel like pukin .........

the doors - reinvented

i can hear jim calling to me at night.i can feel his presence besides me all the time , guiding me thru the rough times , times wen i have been neglected , dejected n he is there ....nt to console me , but tell me that life is a bitch , just stand up for wat i believe and give a fuck abt the ppl who dont understand me or intimidate any way.he tells me not to be sorry for anything , to tell women who have used me in their own small or big ways ... i dont care a damn and tht they are fucking whores .he tells me not to cry anymore wen i m sad . i listen to his voice every night , wen i hear his voice on the tape i feel like i m listening to him live and that he is performing for me , just me and no one else . he asks me to break on through to the other side . i know , i know wat he really means by it . he was hurt , but never gave up , i can feel wat he must have felt like being dejected n love lost forever , he deserved unconditional love which he seemed to have kept on searching all his life just like me .i am here for u jim , n i know how u must keep on fighting this fucking piece of shit called society . i have become a man now , i was apussy before by mkng myself miserable by tryn to please others , i dont do it now , n its all because of u . i do believe that not only did god sing but he roamed the stage half naked , with the microphone clasped in his hand and poetry in his mind . thank you for showing the way to the next whisky bar my love .

fuck

dont comfort me in sadness

dont love me in loneliness

just fuck me so good like you always do

and leave me in distress

love fool

Love has fooled me ,
it’s always been like that
I love Sunday mornings
As I can smell the food mom cooks
I don’t see butterflies no more
I guess they have all gone to museums
Lads’ n lasses get home late
They have been drinking a lot

idle mind

skies so clean

without a cloud

fill my thoughts

shout out loud

dreams so fine

multicloloured life

dance like a gypsy queen

without a doubt

nomads in scores

without a home

mother takes care

of all who cant afford

smell the fresh grass

feel so high

of no use

hello babe! how hav u been ?

do i see a smile or is it a grin

u look so tired , how about a drink ?

come to me , i shall console u

i'll give u a shoulder to cry

at the end of the day i 'll give u all tht u need

but wats there for me , won't u be kind

give me ur body and i 'll give u my mind

jumping up and down u play like a doll

all this jumping is making me cold

i think i 'm gonna cum in you

so relieve me off this load

i 've had it now , your turn's over

get out of my head and walk out that door

high

feels like a feather ...
blowing in the wind ..
cant get too high..
i 'm ok here ...
you may leave ..
i'll be fine ....

blurr....

Images blurred in the sun ....
Days kicked around on the run .....
Objects with no meaning all around ....
Wasted trying to have fun .....
Get me a whole not a hole .....
Damsels in distress not to be rescued....
Minds to be pushed not to be screwed....

halucination

Its all in the mind …
Restless n naïve ….
Frickle but yet ….
Act to be strong ….
Look at what it has come to now ….
Think before we act ….
Not like the times when …
We basked under the sun

about a baby .........

Behold the beauty that’s overwhelming
Not yet corrupt with plastic makeup
The heart knows no pain other than that of hunger
Eyes shine like an evening star
Little fingers touch the most wreathless of souls
All makes me wonder
How it would be to be like him
Even if it is for a day …….