alcohol is the solution to most of my problems ...i have realized tht ...it eases the pain ... it really does ... i have changed ...a lot in the last 6 months .... my mother thinks i am going thru depression and she is right on that ..i really am ... but its not devastating and its not killing me or anything ... i just feel sad all the time ... well , not always ...its just at times wen a particular person talks to me n i hear her voice i feel less sad ....thats all ... bt then good things dnt last too long ...and i m back to being depressed but this blog is not abt sadness or anything ... its about alcohol and thts wat its all about ...i just feel like hurting myself at times ....phisically ... just to compare the pain ....which pain hurts more ... the one tht is there in my heart or the pain thts caused by slitting a nerve on the hand ..i just want to know .... i love the high alcohol gives me ... i think of happy times tht i have had ..the memories keep flashing right before my eyes and i feel like going back in time and reliving the moments tht made it such a beautiful memory .... i feel like talking to a particular person and making things all right again ... i want to give her all the joys in life tht she deserves only if she wud let me ...just this one time ...wen we wud forget all the bad things tht we have said to each other ... and just look at each other in the eye and smile ... it wud be so nice ....